Life just doesn’t seem to work sometimes, does it? No matter how hard we try, the dots don’t seems to connect and allow us to move forward. Our thoughts our cloudy. Relationships are hard. Work seems meaningless, leaving us unfulfilled. It’s just hard. This is a frustrating reality but maybe it’s ok.
Confession: This week has been rough. Nothing monumental or life changing happened, it just all feels off. I am lacking motivation and the desire to keep pushing forward on everything that is in front of me. It all feels to be in a fog that just isn’t lifting. I wouldn’t call it depression (because I know that’s a real struggle many people deal with on daily bases) but it is an overwhelming feeling that leaves me unable to gain the traction I feel is necessary.
I’m a little confused on how I got here because the past month has been really exciting as I begin to build what I’ll call, my plan B life. The ideas were flowing and each step had was successful in some way. I was (and am) feeling stronger each day, but this last week drove me into what I like to call the “wall of blah”.
It reminds me of when you started to feel better after being sick as a child. Your mom would always encourage you to take it slow, but sometimes you just have to learn the hard way.
One time after finally regaining my appetite after a nasty stomach bug, I went into the kitchen to get something to eat. I was so hungry, and tired of chicken broth, that everything looked good. As soon as I started to indulge myself, my mom came in and said the famous phrase, “take it slow, you don’t want to get sick again.” I remember thinking, “whatever mom”.
Then my meal made its return visit and I learned that she was right…(gross)
What About You?
Sitting here today I can’t help but wonder if those of us who have faced pain, trauma, and tragedy often try to move on too quickly and end up hurting ourselves instead. I know that each situation is different and that there is no real timeline on grief, but if you are anything like me, you want to get past the pain as quickly as possible. Doing whatever you can to move on. But that’s when we are the most venerable and can easily make ourselves “sick” again.
So I want to say two things to you (and myself) today. Please understand that they will not fix your problems or lift the cloud you find yourself in. But maybe, just maybe, they will encourage you today.
- It’s ok to not be ok. Whatever pain you have experienced, it’s real and it hurts. I understand and I’m sorry. Don’t allow the lies we tell ourselves to win. Lies of “it’s no big deal” or “I don’t care that much”. This will only lead you away from being honest with yourself and those around you. It doesn’t mean you aren’t healing, it just means that at this moment you are not ok…and that is ok.
- Don’t move on too quickly. No one likes to sit with their emotions or their pain for too long. We want to move on. We want to heal. This is great, but if you try to do so too quickly you might end up like my story above when I thought I was healthy enough to eat anything after days of being sick. It’s totally ok to move slowly, you’ll get there eventually…I promise.
Let me add this bonus thought as well: Remember grief isn’t a clear cut path. It’s ok if you find yourself stuck in a fog and hitting the proverbial “blah wall”. It’s going to happen you just need to know that it’s coming. That way when it hits you can call it what it is, instead of being blindsided and left wondering what happened. Today I give you permission to not be ok. To grieve. To feel “blah”. We can’t stay there, but it is a part of our journey.
I’m not sure where you are today, but for me, I’m a little “blah” and I need to say it. Take this as a “me too” post that I hope will help you embrace where you are as you keep pressing on to be where you want to be. This post won’t fix it, but often the best say to heal is by knowing you are not alone.
Keep pressing on…
Question: Have you ever been hit by the “blah wall”? What did you do to move beyond it?